twelve years

Twelve years ago on the twelfth we walked an aisle, shared vows, listened to the singing of dear friends, and said "I do" to a life together.

It feels like it should be a momentous occasion to celebrate with the man who has walked beside me for the past twelve years. I have learned, however, not to let my expectations run wild on me. With three small children there are inevitable surprises and unpredictability. Celebrations will rarely live up to my expectations. I refuse to wallow in disappointment over the absence of Pomp and Circumstance for the day.
 
This anniversary arrives at the end of a very long week. A week that will be branded into my memory as one of the very most intense of my entire life. Full of emotion and friendships and company and studying for certifications and spring break and paperwork and endless cleaning and fun and stress, and thankfully no sickness. If there had been sickness it would have put me over the edge. We have had a week of Open Houses and realtors, and I have so much more to write about this as soon we will be selling our farm and home where we have lived these past 6 years. It has been a week of sadness and joy. 

And today, no, today could not be about me.

My daughter sat at the breakfast table looking at old wedding photos this morning, identifying familiar faces of friends and family among the guests, and told me, "Momma, I wish you still looked young like that!" 
 
You and me both, honey. The face I am wearing now is what 12 years of marriage with 3 children inducing 6 years of sleepless nights do to someone. It is a face with more wrinkles, now peppered with age spots, and a body with more rolls. 
 
It is also a heart filled with more love. 
It is arms filled with more hugs.
It is cheeks filled with more kisses.
It is a lap never empty.
It is bedtime full of more stories.
It is a brain invited to ever be creative.
It is a set of lungs filled with more laughter.
It is eyes that have shed more tears for the people I love.
It is more people to love, who fill my life and fill my heart.
It is death to selfishness in a way I was never capable of without this marriage, without this family.
 
Today's face sees youth passing, but you know, I wouldn't have it any other way.

P.S. We have a date set to officially celebrate our 12th anniversary later in the week. I want to make sure that no one leaves this post feeling sorry for me as I do not come anywhere close to living a deprived life. Sometimes we need to alter our perspective to get a million dollar view of all the blessings.