love {advent}

We attended Christmas Eve service at my parents' home church, basking in the candle light and rich truth in the song lyrics of old tradition. The kids were quite wiggly during the service, and their energy began to spiral upward the later it became. This generally involves a lot of jumping up and down, touching each other, and loud shrill voices. It was late for little kids, but still, they should be able to obey simple instructions.

Climbing into the car for the 40 minute drive home, Sommer began to melt down. She is my teenager turned 4-years-old and uses loud crying and yelling to express the tangle of emotions inside of her underdeveloped communication system, especially when she is tired or hungry. Lord forbid both.

It was the Christmas music that set her off because she didn't want to listen to the song that the rest of the family was enjoying on the radio. That is what she said, but the truth is she was feeling miserable and wanted to boss and scream and shout the rest of us into feel miserable too. It was an awful way to end an otherwise beautifully intentional night of focusing on Jesus Christ.

With the world's most over dramatic tantrum as background noise for the entire 40 minutes, I stared out the car window thinking about the things I needed to do before I crawled into bed. A mother doesn't get to rest on Christmas Eve and there were the stockings to fill and the Christmas dinner to prep and I couldn't forget to put out some of Santa's presents.

Throughout the drive, I kept thinking that my daughter didn't deserve any presents. Not a single one. Here I was in poised position ready to play Santa, and my she was putting up the kind of fit that would destine her for the naughty list. What to do?

The words of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" were playing on the radio now "... he's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice..." It didn't sit well with me. I have never liked that aspect of the Santa tradition, promoting the idea that he only brings toys to good little girls and boys. Maybe it is because of the disgust I once felt overhearing a mother shopping near me use this to get her misbehaving son's attention, and it was only July. I figured it would be a long year for them if this was all she had up her sleeve. Or maybe it is because in my blended and confused mind I like to equate Santa Claus a little more with his Saintly origins and a little less with his commercial appeal.

It occurred to me then that even though my daughter didn't deserve her Christmas gift, I still wanted to give it to her. Because I love her. I love her so much that I still want to give her good gifts, even when she absolutely doesn't deserve them. Isn't that what the first Christmas was all about?

Not a single one of us deserves the many gifts we have been given. Maybe thinking that we do is one of the bigger problems with society today.

The greatest gift the world has ever known was wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed in a manger, though its people were wretchedly undeserving. It was because the world had not earned it and would never ever be good enough to deserve such a gift by following rules that this baby was sent to earth to close the gap between what we deserve and what God wants to give us. That is love.

On Christmas morning I wanted to give my headstrong children good gifts that represent the vast and deep love in my heart for them. How much more does God love us? I didn't want to be like Santa for my children, I wanted to be like Jesus.

Excerpts from Psalm 89:

I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever;

with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known

through all generations.

I will declare that your love stands firm forever,

that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself...

If his sons forsake my law 

and do not follow my statutes,

if they violate my decrees

and fail to keep my commands,

I will punish their sin with the rod,

their iniquity with flogging;

but I will not take my love from him,

nor will I ever betray my faithfulness.

Psalm 89:1,2,30-33

*******************

I might be a few days late here, posting my final thoughts on Advent. But it is still December and still feels like Christmas in our home. This has been a personal first for me to follow through on a 4-week series, and it has been an encouraging exercise and challenge during an otherwise highly committed season. I was forced to process and articulate my thoughts on the hope, peace, joy, and now love that the coming of Jesus Christ brought to earth with His birth. Thank you for joining me!

*******************

joy {advent}

One of the things I love best about the Christmas season is that we don't have to look very far to find joy this time of year. It seems to be all around us... in the excited faces of children, in the extra creativity of teachers planning Christmas fun, in parties and music and special events, even in the smiles of the clerks hired as holiday help that seem to be slowing down the checkout lines, though pleasantly at least. There is a bustle and buzz of enjoyment leading up to Christmas, and in general people make an effort to show some cheer.

On the other hand, the older I get, the more aware I am of the joy-stealers all around me. Whether it is difficult people or difficult circumstances, there is always something lurking in the shadows that will worry away my joy. The mounting obligations of the season only make it worse. Even simple good intentions like buying the right gifts for others, and mailing items off on time, and fretting over the equality of gift distribution among family members only contribute to stealing the joy I want to have in giving those gifts.

Joy shouldn’t be so transient, coming and going from faces at the drop of a glass ornament. When our joy comes from the truth about who Jesus Christ is then no unfortunate circumstance or unhealthy interaction with a friend or unhappy experience in an overcrowded department store can steal our joy. It becomes a lasting kind of joy grounded in truth that doesn't change. That is the power of joy in Jesus Christ.

The Christmas story in the book of Luke features a song of joyful praise sung by Mary the mother of Jesus (Luke 1:46-55). Mary had much to worry about, arguably much more than I do. She found herself pregnant but not married in a time when that did not happen to good girls from good families. She was living in a period in history when God’s people had been waiting an awfully long time for their Savior to come, and wondered at the legitimacy of what they had been promised.

Mary chose to believe, and out of it bubbles a joyful song of praise to God, despite the most unlikely circumstances. Mary has a joyful response in the face of hardship. She felt fearful, troubled, and very alone, but her joy overflows as an act of faith in God and His promises. Mary made an active choice to believe God is who He says He is despite the number of questions, despite her unseen future, and despite the circumstances that threatened her reality.

Joy is not a feeling the way that happiness is. We don't have to feel joyful in order to choose joy. Joy in Jesus comes out of a deep rooted belief that something better is coming. All of the hardships, the discomfort, the challenges, the trials of many kind, are not the end of the story. Despite our circumstances, we can have joy in God’s glorious plan. 

I believe you, Lord. If this is your plan, then I want to be a part of it. Even if my life ends up really hard, I'm in! Whatever today brings, I choose joy.

Mary's Song of Praise (Luke 1:46-55)

Mary responded,
"Oh how my soul praises the Lord.
     How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,
     and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
For the Mighty One is holy,
     and he has done great things for me to all who fear him.
His mighty arm has done tremendous things!
     He has scattered the proud and haughty ones.
He has brought down princes from their thrones
     and exalted the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
     and sent the rich away with empty hands.
He has helped his servant Israel
     and remembered to be merciful.
For he made this promise to our ancestors,
     to Abraham and his children forever.
He shows mercy generation to generation."

Luke 1:46-55 (New Living Translation)

(For the other advent posts in this series see HOPE and PEACE.)

peace {advent}

It's our first Christmas in our new home and my husband's outdoor project of late has been cutting back some of the brush on a downward sloping part our property. When the kids and I started campaigning one morning to go pick out our Christmas tree, he told us simply to come outside with him. We threw coats on top of our pjs and marched out into the yard, somewhat unceremoniously. He'd been saving one of the little pine trees just for Christmas.

In the yard it looked cute, maybe a bit lanky but otherwise healthy and the right size. The kids were so excited about cutting down a tree in our very own yard and then dragging it into the house. Except for Sommer who was having a grumpy moment.  Fortunately, we were at home and she had the luxury of staying inside (or rather, we had the luxury of leaving her inside.)

How is it that these trees always look so different outside? I believe it grew 4 more feet once we set it up in our open stairwell. We then proceeded to decorate the tallest, saddest little Christmas tree we have ever had. I am calling it the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree on steroids. How can a tree this size only have three branches for hanging lights and ornaments? It took me nearly an hour to get lights hung convincingly, and I don't even want to mention the bald spot. Then the tree was misbehaving, leaning in an awkward direction, until it finally fell over 2 days later. It is now tied to the banister.

The tree keeps whacking me in the face, as it has gradually encroached on my regularly used path through the entryway. It is not my favorite tree ever, but it seems to represent something true about Christmas. There is a lot of childlike joy inspiring this tree, and a fun memory, and the onset of tradition. Christmas has never been about perfection.

I was prone to some unsettled feelings this week. There weren't any big reasons, just some strained conversations, unpredictable futures, uncertain outcomes, inability to please certain people in my life. All of these niggling in the back of my mind even when I wasn't consciously in thought over them. All of them making me aware of how much my little world lacks perfection. All of those little imperfections creating a lack of peace in my spirit.

Peace was this week's advent theme. In my reading, the peace of Christ took on a new meaning for me as the kind of peace that is independent of our circumstances. It is the kind of peace that bleeds into the unsettled corners of our lives even when the world around us seems to be falling apart and there is nothing we can do to control it. The kind of peace that surpasses all understanding.

We hear a lot about Peace on Earth at Christmas, and I want that for our world so badly. This is a place with some big problems, like genocide and child trafficking and terrorism just to name a few. Because of it, real Peace on Earth can seem pretty far away. We have been promised that one day that kind of peace is coming. There will be a future world without so many external struggles.

In the meantime, today, we can experience a different kind of internal peace. God offers us the kind of peace that comes from wholeness and harmony and completeness in Him. The kind that allows us to make tough decisions that others don't necessarily agree with, and still have peace knowing that we have followed after Him to the best of our ability. Seeking peace through the perfection of our circumstances will never be long-lasting. Peace comes through righteousness, and righteousness can only come through Christ.

In preparing for the birth of baby Jesus, I am thanking God for the kind of peace we get to experience today, even as we wait for a better kind of Peace in our future.

"And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace
    there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
    and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
    with justice and righteousness

from that time on and forever."

Isaiah 9:6-7

hope {advent}

Every year as December rolls around I find myself wishing I had gotten started earlier on the decorating, the gift-buying, the baking, the added elements that make the weeks leading up to Christmas seem full of crazy instead of full of peace.

Something jarred me this week in an article about all of the misdirected frenzy this time of year. That phrase ..."misdirected frenzy"... it gave me a sharp pin prick way down deep. I feel the frenzy coming, and I don't want any of it to be misdirected, especially this time of year.

The word "advent" means an arrival or coming, especially a much anticipated one. This season leading into Christmas is called Advent because we have something wonderful to anticipate, and need to be disciplined about remembering to expectantly await its arrival. Nothing could have changed the world more than the arrival of Jesus Christ.

For the first time I signed up for a daily Advent email to help make the month leading up to Christmas more intentionally focused on the scriptures that speak of the coming of Jesus. There must be a ton of different ways you can do this, but I subscribed to the series at IF:equip. IF is a movement by some key Christian female leaders to provide tools for women to grow Spiritually and to live out their full potential in Christ. Their Advent series of emails basically provides a theme for the week and daily passages of scripture including old testament, psalms, new testament, and gospel passages within the theme. A simple (and free!) way to dedicate some intentionality toward Advent.

I rarely articulate goals for posting here, in fear that I won't actually be able to follow through on my best intentions. However, as a form of accountability for myself, at the end of each week I intend to post a few reflections on the chosen Advent theme .

This week's theme was HOPE.

Hope is what prevents us from being overcome by complete despair over the broken world we live in. Hope is the life we cling to in the midst of the death and destruction all around. Hope is the belief that our tragedies will lead to something glorious and beautiful. Hope is the promise that we will not be stuck in our own junk forever, but will one day have the power to change... if we keep clinging to that Hope.

The ancient Jews hoped in this kind of salvation, that would come from a Messiah. They waited for the advent of their King, in expectant anticipation. Just as we wait, still, in the hope that this life we are living here on earth has a greater purpose than we can know. Hope is a life-giving gift amidst hurt and devastation.

When I am focusing on the blessed promise of Hope, and the much awaited Advent of Jesus, there isn't any room for my misdirected frenzy.

"...and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;
the sun shall not strike them,
nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Revelation 7:15-17

innumerable

Just before Thanksgiving I am struck with the ambition to send out my Christmas cards early, surprising everyone with my timeliness, fooling them into thinking I have it all together.

As you might have already guessed, that did not even come close to happening. On the contrary, an electronic greeting must suffice altogether this year. On the final day of December, I think it is not too late to squeak in a Christmas greeting from my family to yours!

Best of eighty plus photos. No joke.

The year 2014 has been a somewhat heavy one in our home for a number of different reasons, some emotional and Spiritual reasons, some related to health anomalies, some because of the trials of dear friends. As this year concludes, however, I have no trouble counting my blessings. As I begin to count them, I realize they are innumerable.

Happy New Year! May your blessings be too many to count!

the magic of Christmas

The Christmas season is an invitation for everyone to pause and consider the deeper purpose of humanity on earth, even those who don't believe in the salvation purpose of the baby Jesus. I am awed that even those who don't believe recognize the mystery of this celebration. Even those who don't believe want to be more generous, more kind, more forgiving, better people this time of year. This is, of course, the power of the Spirit of Jesus moving in and among them, though they may not be able to give the feeling a name.

While preparing a card, I landed on these quotes about Christmas. The speakers come from all walks of faith, but each one speaks in awe of the magic, or Majesty, of Christmas. Enjoy them, both silly and serious, alongside me.  And Merry Christmas from our family to yours!


“He who has not Christmas in his heart 
will never find it under a tree.” 
 -- Roy L. Smith

“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, 

and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, 

become a child again at Christmas-time.”  

-- Laura Ingalls Wilder 

The Little House in the Big Woods

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, 
and try to keep it all the year."
-- Charles Dickens

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. 

In the eyes of children they are all 30 feet tall." 

-- Larry Wilde

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! 
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. 
What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" 
-- Dr. Seuss
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

"Christmas is a necessity. 

There has to be at least one day of the year 

to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves."

--Eric Sevareid

"Christmas is not as much about opening our presents, as opening our hearts." 
-- Janice Maeditere

"Mankind is a great, an immense family. 

This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas."

-- Pope John XXIII

"Christmas is not a time or season, but a state of mind. 

To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, 

is to have the real spirit of Christmas."

-- Calvin Coolidge

"The earth has grown old with its burden of care, 
but at Christmas it is always young..."
-- Phillips Brooks

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is 

the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. 

Don't clean it up too quickly."  

-- Andy Rooney

"Who can add to Christmas? 

The perfect motive is that God so loved the world. 

The perfect gift is that He gave His only Son. 

The only requirement is to believe in Him. 

The reward of faith is that you shall have everlasting life."

-- Corrie Ten Boom

the joy of giving

The Christmas season is drawing to a close and the New Year is quickly approaching. I finally have a moment to sit and reflect upon this beautiful season. The highlight of Christmas this year was witnessing Annike's progression in understanding the purpose of gifts during this season.

Christmas with small children is a lot of hearing them look forward to the presents they will get. I remember the feeling too as a child when I couldn't wait to tear into those enticing packages tempting me under the tree.

In the final weeks before Christmas we did our best to combat the "want" feeling with gentle reminders... What is Christmas really about? Giving. Who is the real gift? Jesus.

In an effort to emphasize the "giving" side of Christmas, I usually have Annike shop for a small present to give to a few family members. It takes a lot of parental direction. "I think Daddy would like a new toy animal!" she says, or "How about getting him this coloring book? Maybe he will let me color my favorite pages!" Unfortunately, the ability to give unselfishly does not come naturally to all people. But I have learned it can be taught, and it can be practiced over and over until we get better at it.

This year was different. Of her own accord, Annike made the most precious compilation of themed animal books to give as gifts. There was a book about rain forest animals, aquarium animals, baby animals, alphabetic animals, swamp animals, zoo animals, and a few more. Each contained pages and pages of colorful drawings. Each made with careful attention to detail. Many included narration.

She was excited to wrap them all on her own. On Christmas morning, instead of running to her stocking or the first present she planned to open, Annike raced to find these presents she had so carefully wrapped herself and placed under the tree. She couldn't wait to give these gifts to their recipients. Joy overcame her as the giver of good gifts.

I felt so proud, and so hopeful as I watched her. Once in a while all of those things I keep repeating over and over until even I am not listening to the sound of my own voice, get through to the heart. For once I didn't have to remind her with a gentle prod and a false smile that it is fun to give... because she already knew.

Belated Merry Christmas!

(This was the best gift that came in my stocking!)

keep it simple

This is the first year I can remember that I wasn't excited about getting all of the Christmas decorations out. Something to do with the way that my house already feels so cluttered all the time. On top of all of the toys everywhere, and the other people living in this house who don't seem to be bothered by any of the mess, we added a baby. He came with a baby swing and a bouncy seat and a bassinet and a whole lot of hand-me-down clothes and he added some burp clothes to the arm of every chair in the house. I was dreading the additional Christmas clutter.

The Christmas season can be a struggle because at Christmas there is so much more... more parties, more mail, more shopping, more pressure, more stuff. More of everything except time. Less time. When you add more to an already full life, you just get... overwhelmed. Every year it catches me by surprise.

We tied to keep it simple this year. There are the stockings, and some lights around the windows, and the Christmas tree. It was a good decision to only hang half of our usual ornaments because as it is the ornaments seem to be migrating around my house.

We took a weekend away with the family. Vacations are different with 3 kids to manage and nap schedules to remember, or ignore and pay the consequences for later. But even so, we took a step away from the holiday anxiety. For one weekend I didn't have to think about the presents I still need to buy, the Christmas cards I haven't sent yet, or anything on my holiday to-do list. We had a simple weekend with the kiddos and the snow.

Sometimes less is more.

Yosemite was a genuine winter wonderland. Especially for those of us who live on the central California coast and see no snow. It seemed to me that God just wanted to show off his attention to detail when He created this place.

This little guy slept, and slept, and slept in his cozy stroller.

And once in a while he woke up!

light in the darkness

Our holiday weight loss plan was to take Sommer to a public place and let her put everything in her mouth, thus bringing home a violent stomach bug for Christmas. Okay, it wasn't exactly the "plan", but that is what happened.

The day before Christmas our littlest daughter awoke vomiting in the wee hours of the morning. Holding my baby while she heaved, 5, 6, 7 times, unable to tell me what hurt or when it was coming, has to be one of the more heartbreaking things I have done as a mother. We somehow survived the day, with the low moment being a severe code brown while both girls were in the tub.

The sickness passed and Sommer seemed to be feeling better. My family was given an informed account, but still wanted us to visit for Christmas. We all made it through a wonderful, celebratory Christmas morning and family-oriented Christmas afternoon. We stuffed ourselves for dinner. Then it hit. In a span of 30 minutes, Annike, Christian, and I were all down with the same violent virus. Merry Christmas to us!

This particular Christmas has been a strange one. It seems like darkness has been at work, doing its best to prevent us from seeing the Light. We witnessed more sadness than usual this December. A sadness that often felt like darkness. We have seen a young mother diagnosed with cancer. A young child sentenced to a lifelong disease. Friends experiencing unexplained health issues. A dark cloud of discontent and anger in people we have interactions with. And, of course, there is little that compares to the shadow cast upon December by the shooter in Newtown, Connecticut. How my heart hurts for the people in that town whose lives have been forever changed.

While I was up all that Christmas night, trying to sleep between episodes of our own dark illness, I grasped onto the truth that no amount of darkness will win out over the Light. My mind and spirit clung to immense thankfulness... for a good partner to help hold the children... for the knowledge that this would be over within 24 hours unlike the bad news that so many others had this season... for the still small voice that whispered for me to do laundry before this all happened readying many pairs of clean pjs... for my brave brave 4 year old... for a baby who slept through it all... for my mother who would help us and take care of us as only a mother will, highly contagious disease and all... for the strength I knew was not my own.

Through it all we must remember that the Light has already won. In a sleep-deprived, sick night comes the deepest kind of gratitude. Just like, out of a smelly stable came a royal King. From a humble baby in a manger came the Wisdom we have all be looking for. Through a cruel death came the world's Savior. In the face of all that is inexplicable, He is the Answer.

Excerpts from Isaiah chapter 9 (italics mine): 

"Nevertheless there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress....

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy;

they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest...

For to us a child is born,

to us a Son is given,

and the government will be on His shoulders.

And He will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end...

The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this."

the nutcracker

On Sunday afternoon, we got to go on a special girls date. Annike, my mother, and I were invited by the Sugar Plum Fairy herself.

The Sugar Plum Fairy happens to be a good friend of our family's, a child I babysat regularly, and the flower girl from our wedding (which was clearly a while ago because look at what a lady she is now!). She personally invited us to Carmel's fantastic performance of the Nutcracker. What a treat! She was beautiful, with all of the poise and grace of an enchanted fairy.

Annike was enthralled. She couldn't take her eyes off the dancers. During every pause in the music she shouted in her high piping voice, "Now what?!" and "Where is the Nutcracker?!" and "When is he going to become a prince?!?" sending the audience around us into giggles. The enthusiasm was clear.

Prior to the show we joined a special group of little girls and mothers for a fancy tea in our winter best. It was complete with tiny sandwiches, a dessert buffet, and Annike's favorite "bubbly apple juice".  (Papa told her once that the apples in the orchard next door to us grow the apples that make the Martinelli's bubbly apple juice... to which she replied, "Are they growing bubbly apples?")

We were little princesses. The afternoon reminded me that every little girl should know that she is worthy of being celebrated. Since having Sommer I haven't taken much time to spend individual, undivided time with Annike. Dates like these will definitely be added to our annual priority list.

Of course, the day would not be complete without a reenactment of the ballet. Proper attire optional.

A little more work to do? Maybe. It is really hard to be a good ballerina with little sister in the way.

core values

Blogging has taken a backseat to Christmas this year, as it should. We are doing our best to celebrate Christmas in a meaningful way. A big part of that is simply being available to celebrate a little at a time throughout the entire month of December.

With most of the shopping out of the way (last post), celebrating a little at a time has spawned many spur-of-the-moment holiday crafts...like a family portrait (fingerprints by all of us, antlers by Annike)

... and a wine-cork Christmas tree (no, we did not drink all of these bottles in December)

... and a few snowflakes suspended throughout our home.

In December we have also managed to squeeze in some holiday baking with the last of the fruit in the orchard. These green apples have ended in some delicious desserts.

Our healthy choice for December has been using the old Halloween candy for decorating the gingerbread house instead of for eating. The brilliance of this is simultaneously clearing out the cupboards to make room for all of the Christmas chocolate coming our way.

The Christmas tree looks a little different every year. After breaking a large handful of glass ornaments during the first hours of tree set-up, we made an attempt at toddler-proofing by putting it on top of an old table from the barn. Not a decorating strategy I want to repeat every year, but it seems to be doing the trick. We hung a few kid-friendly ornaments on the lower branches within Sommer's reach, but as I suspected, they have not remained on the tree.

Overall we have clearly been having a lot of fun because the kids are worn out...

Making Christmas meaningful for our children is always a challenge. Despite all efforts at downplaying the wrapped packages under the tree, Annike will tell you she is most excited about the presents she gets to open on Christmas day. How do you combat that?

We are trying to fight it with a few core Christmas values. Ours are:

• Togetherness - Being together, being present while we are together, celebrating Christmas a little at a time in the moment with each other, celebrating one of the greatest gifts of the season which is these people in my life who I love so much.
• Giving - This point will be hammered into them: We are giving, giving, giving,... the only way to counteract the "getting". We are giving gifts, giving crafts, giving sweet treats, all of our favorites will be given away. Whether you like it or not, small children, YOU WILL GIVE!
• Anticipation - Advent is all about anticipating the coming of the Messiah. Children anticipate Christmas day the way that the ancient Jews anticipated their Savior. This parallel can makes it a little easier for these little people to understand the excitement of Jesus coming to earth. We can't wait to celebrate the best Gift of all! Preparing to receive that Gift is what December is all about.

And just when I fear the most important Message may be occluded by the bombardment of the consumer-based messages, Annike asks me an insightful question like "Why do we hang apples and snowmen on our Christmas tree if Christmas is about Jesus?"

Great question, honey. Let me think about that for a minute and come up with a wise response.

christmas giving

Thanksgiving is over, and it is now safe to admit that I am listening to Christmas music.

As soon as Turkey day passes, I inevitably begin to feel the impending anxiety of Christmas approaching.  My to-do lists grow as my time shrinks. It seems that every year I begin December with great optimism about my ability to do Christmas "right", and every year I exit December exhausted, wondering what happened to all of my good intentions.

I am remembering my final trip to the mall last year, three days before Christmas. My first mistake was believing I could do any Christmas shopping with a 3 year old and a 3 month old in tow.  My second mistake was waiting until the last minute to do it.  Of course, that may have been because I was trying not to make the first mistake. I was armed with the double stroller and lots of snacks.  It seemed that every woman my mother's age and older stopped me to tell me how cute my kids were and how brave I was to go Christmas shopping with two children and then they each had a lengthy, detailed story they wanted to share about the time they had gone shopping with their own children back in the day. While I love women, and love the grandmother age, I began to feel anxious about the ticking time bombs in my stroller. So anxious thinking about all that I had left to do before Christmas and how little time I had left to do it that I could not enjoy the kindly intentions of these women. Instead of shouting, I have about 45 minutes until total meltdown occurs, 10 people to buy presents for, and you are using up precious shopping minutes! I resorted to simply being rude.

Forty-five minutes later we made an emergency exit with a screaming baby, having made no good purchases. It was one thing to feel frustrated at an unsuccessful shopping trip, but another to feel disappointed in myself for the way I behaved. Being rude to women who were enjoying my children did not help me accomplish my tasks.  It only put a damper on my day, and possibly the day of others. (But, seriously, maybe next time these women can hold the baby and play with the 3-year-old for a few minutes while I shop?)

The problem with giving at Christmas is all of the obligation involved.

You see, I love the idea of giving. I love the idea of finding just the right object that will bless the people on my list. As fall roles around I typically get excited about something I am giving to my mom, or someone else in the family.  But by the time Christmas arrives there is always someone (usually a handful of people, usually male) that I just haven't a clue what to get.  This is what I mean by obligation. Suddenly I am not buying because there is something special to give, but instead because I feel the obligation to put something in a pretty package for someone to open. Thus Christmas falls prey to commercialism. It might be why my dad has more than 30 flashlights next to his bed. Though, he does love a good flashlight.

At the heart of Christmas is the spirit of giving, and in itself there is nothing wrong with this. Where I fall short is the way that I give. Going on the mad hunt for presents last minute, spending hours in the mall because it is too late to order online, should not be what Christmas is about. That style of giving actually prevents me from giving in more meaningful ways.

Giving in a meaningful way is sometimes giving a thoughtful gift, but it is also giving a memory... giving an experience... giving a tradition... giving words... giving homemade (though there is no question that this option is NOT a time-saver)... giving food... giving fun... and most often, giving the gift of a me that is present in the moment, not prone to distraction or hurry.

So, my strategy for celebrating Christmas this year with purpose and intention is to minimize the amount of time I obsess over giving just the right gift to someone. And the truth is, as a good friend pointed out, no one gets me the perfect gift either. Why? Because there is no perfect gift! It simply does not exist. And the longer I spend looking for it, the more mediocre, imperfect and generic all of the things around me seem - because they are!  Things are just another imperfect way of saying "I thought of you."

While shopping is going to be a small part of my December, it does not need to play a major role. Part of my strategy for giving it a lesser focus is getting all of the necessary shopping out of the way early (like this week) so that the rest of my December can be spent building memories, capturing traditions, and being the giving-hearted Christmas-spirited person that I want to be, saving time to experience Christmas in all the ways that matter most.