unexpected gifts

I'd like you to meet our neighbors: Mrs. Dagmar and Mr. Hans-Peter, (or "Mr. Hans-Paper" as Karsten calls him).

They show up at the back fence every few days with some new treasures to entertain our kids... a box of matchbox cars for Karsten, some souvenir necklaces for Sommer, a collection of tiny porcelain animals from travels to Thailand for Annike. During a hot week at the end of the summer he pulled this tent out of the attic and spent an hour setting it up in the yard, along with inflatable mattresses and a camping table for the inside. You can imagine how thrilling that was for small kids.

We are collecting a string of similar stories after being here for over a month. I don't know if it says more about the generosity of German culture, or the heart of beauty still found in humanity. We are meeting people here everywhere we go who find joy in recognizing our needs, and then responding to them.  

A local mother at Annike's school dropped by one day with a pair of bicycles her son had outgrown, wondering if we would like to borrow them. She had no idea that every day Karsten had been asking me if he could have his own bicycle. Our teenage babysitters and family brought us boxes of Duplo Legos and Schleich horses - pretty much the two kinds of toys my kids love playing with the most. Don't have an old blanket to picnic with? Here's one. Need bedding for your relatives? Here's some. New to the area and need tips on the best places to visit? Come over and we will share all we know. I hardly have time to identify our own needs before somebody steps in to fill them.

At the beginning of this week a group of local ladies took me to a cafe for my birthday. Some of them had only met me briefly before, and none of them had known me longer than 8 weeks, but they showed up just to make someone new feel special. This was a birthday year I had quite low expectations for, as a new person in a foreign country with parents that left recently and a husband who is busy. It was a time of tremendous blessing and fellowship for me. 

I have been a believer in Jesus Christ for most of my life, but I can hardly understand what it feels like to receive gifts of this kind of unnecessary generosity from strangers. There is something about living in a constant state of need that invites others in.

Part of practicing the discipline of living simply this year means that we don't have everything we want all the time, and that is okay. When I use the word "need", I want to be clear that we always have enough clothes to wear and enough food to eat. Yet, we are living a life here that is not overflowing with the excessive abundance we have access to at home.

It means that the littler kind of needs arise and we get to wallow in them for a while before they are filled.

It means that we lack more, both physically and relationally. But it also means we are being drawn in by others who are gifted in beautifully different and individual ways. They have gifts to use, and they are getting to use them

It means that we are getting a reverse perspective on life, being on the receiving end rather than the giving end.

And it means that we are even more immensely grateful for those small sacrifices and gifts of unmeasurable value made on our behalf.

To make it work we have to be utterly dependent on God for everything. And I keep thinking, why would I have to practice dependence on God if I could depend on my lifestyle to provide for me? ... and... How would I understand the importance of giving gifts to strangers if I have never needed to receive them myself?

Living in a state of neediness comes with a fair amount of uncertainty. It isn't comfortable. It doesn't always produce the best emotions or feelings of stability. In it, however, we are finding so many unexpected gifts.

surrender continued

There are sounds of sweet giggles coming from the other room, little voices playing. The 4-year-old is mothering the 2-year-old who is pretending to be her pet puppy. Two little children playing beautifully with each other... until, suddenly, they are not.

The music in my ears has quickly become shrieks, and thumps, and crying, and "that's MINE!" yelled with ferocious intensity. Best friends or worst enemies... they don't always bring out the best in each other.

It amazes me how children don't realize how much they love a toy until they have to let go of it. We all have to start out somewhere on our journey of letting go of things. The question ringing in my heart is: Where does it end?

I am pleased to report that I have made it past the toy stage, and I have no trouble handing over colorful plastic animals and other things used for the make believe world. If it has no practical purpose I am happy to share, toss, or pass it on. Instead, I have graduated to learning to let go of much bigger items and aspects of my life.

At the onset of the new year, I shared about my word for the year: surrender. This word translated into a simple discipline of daily prayer for me. Each day I asked God to reveal the thing in my heart that I was hanging onto most tightly. Once identified, I continued to pray over it until I felt the freedom to let it go. After a few days of basking in my new freedom over the surrender of one item, God would begin to reveal a new one to me, in which I began the process over again. And then again, and then again.

It was all very well and good when I could see things in my heart that shouldn't be there. I didn't want unfounded fears to hold me back from God's best, and my honest desire was to hand things like that over. Even though it took work, it felt good.

But now I have gotten in really deep. Things are getting harder than I initially envisioned. I am being asked to surrender more than I expected, including aspects of my life that are positive and I believed were healthy. Things like relationships and future plans. They aren't the kind of things you can buy again at the store, and quite frankly, I am a little afraid to fully trust God with them. What if I never get them back?

We are only 3 months into the year 2016, but I am finding that there seems to be no ending place in this journey to surrender. The more my eyes are opened to the things I need to let go of, the more I realize there is no going back.

A small sampling of some specifics, and what I am learning in the process, as I am challenged in...

* ... surrendering fear of working too hard - Life seems hard enough just living "normal". Adding any big change or any new goals sounds like a lot of work! BUT I have never been a lazy person, so why would I let a little hard work prevent me from moving into something better?

* ... surrendering fear of my life not looking normal - What is "normal" anyway? The American dream easily becomes a crutch as we pursue the next thing that makes our lives more comfortable. Especially with kids, it is so easy to get caught up in "creating a future" for them. BUT those are not the dreams I want my children to chase when they grow up. Why would we raise them to be "normal" if we don't want them to pursue that kind of normal when they are older?

* ... surrendering the approval of others - Any people pleaser has trouble surrendering approval. We want to live in a world where everyone agrees with us, supports us, and there isn't any conflict. It makes us easy-going and likeable. However, making decisions can be devastating because there are people who stand on all sides of a decision and someone is inevitably left disappointed, hurt, angry, or simply with a lack of understanding. BUT Jesus was the greatest example of someone who lived to a standard that pleased God instead of others. He prioritized fulfilling His God-given purpose and remained full of integrity, gentleness, love, and kindness. Would He have had the same impact if He had worried about what His family thought of Him?

* ... surrendering Christian community - We have a community of friends who have long been steadfast encouragers to us and it would break my heart to be separated from those friendships, even for a short time. BUT our long term purpose in relationships is not to be simply fulfilled by comfortable friendships. It is instead to show compassion and love to those who don't have it. Could releasing close relationships create space in our lives to foster new relationships with those of greater need?

* ... surrendering writing time - The rare moments when our house is somewhat quiet, and the chores are mostly done, and I have deeper thoughts to process, are when I steal away to write on this blog. These stolen moments have been a great gift to me during the years of raising little children when intellectual conversation is a non-existent part of my day. I selfishly covet, and grasp for, and love this time by myself that offers me some greater purpose outside of our household. BUT God has greater purpose for me yet, and isn't quite through with me. Could it be that letting go of my need for this time might usher in room for greater purpose still?

Many of these things I am letting go of are inherently GOOD things that make for a rich life. I am learning, though, that sometimes a thing can seem so perfect that it becomes more important than trusting God. A thing can be so good that it becomes an area that hinders us from walking into something better.

Perhaps God is challenging my priorities not because they are bad in themselves, but because of the way it will form and shape my character. The same way that I teach my children to share a toy, not because I care who was holding it first, or whose name is written on the tag, but because of the bigger lesson learned in letting go.

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which 

God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14

~ What might God be challenging you to surrender today? ~

sharing

We are having a little trouble sharing around here. More specifically, two little girls I spend a lot of time with are having trouble.

It is a familiar story, I am sure. One sister is playing with toy A, but put it down for a moment in a perceived "safe" location. The other sister comes along and picks it up, but the first sister thinks it is still hers. Who is wrong?

The rules of sharing can be a bit of a gray area. Does it go to the person who had it first? Does the youngest player get priority? Do we place a time allotment on all toys? Perhaps we should break the toy in half? Buy two of everything, and might we finally have some peace around here?!

None of those are the answer at all. Because sharing is not really about obeying a set of rules that dictate priority, the way that someone always has the stronger hand in a game of poker. Sharing is a heart issue. And it seems that when the girls are arguing over a toy that they are always both wrong. Little hearts in the ugly process of being refined.

I have come to realize that the rules they learn about sharing here in our home are also the rules they will follow outside of our home. So if we allow someone who pitches a fit to get a toy, then she learns to make a big fuss every time she wants something. And if we divide up the toys so that each child is the owner of her own play things, then they learn to hang tightly to their possessions. These rules are character-shaping.

I would much rather think that what my children learn about sharing here in our home, when no one else is visiting or watching, doesn't matter. The easiest way to handle any scuffles is to placate or distract or ignore. Here, honey, why don't you play with this instead? But I have to view these arguments as a greater opportunity to build character. Building character apparently takes work.

So what exactly is it I want them to be learning in these arguments over toy animals and plastic kazoos?... in these character building opportunities?
I want them to realize the joy in unselfishness.
I want them to be generous.
I want them to learn that sharing is the way you show love to the people around you.

Then why is it hardest to share with those we love the most?

It isn't just the little hearts that are being refined in this area. You hopefully won't find me screaming at someone else for holding my stuffed animals, so at least there has been progress in my life! We only have trouble sharing things that are really important to us. But I sure do feel possessive over that quiet hour in the afternoon when I get to sit down and check my email. Or the slow way I want to wake up in the morning. Or getting to sit in my special place on the couch. And the thing that can really make my heart boil is if my husband is taking it easy while I am running around picking up every one's messes and cleaning and cooking for the household. My selfish heart doesn't want to give him that quiet space because I am too busy wishing he would give it to me instead. Not the greatest example of sharing.

Today, when I had this quiet moment to myself, a still small voice was whispering for me to spend the moment reading my Bible. No, screamed my self, I don't want to share this time with anyone! Not even God! And there lies the root of the problem.

But I listened. I gave the first fruits of my quiet time to God. And it was God who gave back to me as I emerged from the time filled with the joy of sharing, ready once again to be a living example of it in my home.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."  

Philippians 2:3-4