my cup overflows

I didn't quite know what our Thanksgiving would look like this year in a foreign country, where turkey is not an easily available item for purchase. And family is not anywhere near by. And friends only go back a few months.

As I reflect on this Thanksgiving abroad, celebrated with new friends who feel they could be old friends, my heart is full. There are times when God's love for us feels so personal. He knows our hopes and longings and tender places and disappointments so intimately. Sometimes it seems He reaches into our lives and fulfills a heart's desire simply because He wants to give a good gift. It brings God pleasure to see us thrive.

Besides a beautiful Thanksgiving meal with most of the essential side dishes, we had a few moments of well-behaved children, allowing us to relax and enjoy some edifying adult conversation. Proof that God is caring for us tenderly, compassionately, and personally in a season that has been deeply stretching.

As this new friend reminds me, we are known by a God who sees us. In this case, He has preempted one of our most intimate needs for community by providing friendship and fellowship in a place that could have been colored by deep loneliness. For this, we must pause to be grateful.

Throughout the month of November, our family practiced the discipline of gratitude by adding to a "thankful tree" made of construction paper hanging on the window. This act of daily inscribing leaves with the numerous reasons we have be thankful is sure to become a new family tradition.

It makes my heart feel especially full to see some of the things my children have put on their leaves...

* "God loves me so so so much" -- Karsten 

* "God is so creative" -- Sommer 

* "answered prayers, like getting to see a hedgehog" -- Annike 

* "the olden days"  (stemming from all the history we are seeing here in Europe) 

* "a ride on a fairy boat"  (meaning: "ferry boat") 

* "milck"  (spelled with a mixture of German and English spelling) 

* "new friends" 

* "old friends"

Our traditionally American Thanksgiving dinner was observed over the weekend because it turns out that there are no breaks from school over here honoring American-only holidays. To make our acutal Turkey Day special, we pulled off our first pot of traditional Swiss Fondue. It is a fun meal to share on a special occasion because it invites the family into community. Everyone gathers in close around the pot, giggling while the bread is dipped, and sometimes lost, and the kids feel especially tickled to be eating with a long sharp stick.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"You anoint my head with oil; 

my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me 

all the days of my life."  

Psalm 23:5,6

a day of thanksgiving

I sat in on my daughter's preschool Thanksgiving feast last week. The teacher so graciously told the 4-year-olds that we always have something to be thankful for. Even when someone wrongs us, by taking our toy for example. We can still be thankful. We can be thankful for the many other toys that are around. We can be thankful that we have friends we can play with instead. We can be thankful that we have creative imaginations and don't need toys to have fun. There is always something to be thankful for.

Adults could learn a lot from that preschool lesson. I found myself thinking about the cultural practice of thanksgiving, and wondering if children everywhere are learning to be thankful when someone takes their toy. If they are, then we should have a whole culture full of grateful hearts.

My husband and I were watching a PBS show last night on the first pilgrims that colonized Massachusetts, in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday of course. Apparently, it was a regular practice for the pilgrims to declare a day of Thanksgiving, especially after a particularly hard season. The first Thanksgiving is the one we think about when the Pilgrims and the Indians shared a meal together. The second one happened two years later after a hard drought.

Several of our early presidents, starting with George Washington, declared days of Thanksgiving. It was Abraham Lincoln who proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to celebrate the unity of the states in the midst of a nation weary of civil war.

What struck me is the regularity found in our cultural history to declare a day to celebrate, rest, feast, and practice the art of thankfulness together. Maybe I sound cynical, but I just can't imagine any of our modern presidents taking it upon themselves to declare a day for the nation to remember to be thankful. If it wasn't already built into the holiday schedule that is.

I am not convinced that the value of thankfulness is at the very heart of American culture... but I want it to be. I will start by making it a core value in our own home. May my children's natural response to the end of a hard season be to declare a time of thanksgiving.

Today I am thankful for modern medicine and wise doctors. This past month was a rough one, between a bad strain of croup that sent two of my little ones to urgent care in need of care at inconvenient time, and my own wisdom teeth that left me in severe pain or fighting a developed infection for weeks, I am thankful for the medicine we have available in the 21st century because I honestly don't know what a poor mother was to do a hundred years ago.

Today I am thankful that our home is a place of respite, filled with peace. There is warmth and joy in this place and I don't feel fearful about where I live.

Today I am thankful for days spent with small children because it is a luxury. These days sometimes feel shrouded in monotony and death to my personal dreams, but I have already begun to see the benefits to my family and must be intentional about viewing these days at home as a privilege. God takes my life away, but more and more it feels He is actually giving it back.

Today I am thankful for the community that helps me raise my children. From loving grandparents, aunts, and uncles, to teachers and other parents who school my children, to friends who think my kids are special because of all the ways they are unique and not out of obligation to me. It truly takes a village.

Today I am thankful that my children love Jesus to the best of their understanding and ability. My middle child is sassy and bossy, and she needs Jesus. My oldest doesn't share well and is consumed by holding tightly to her things, and she needs Jesus. My youngest has a stubborn streak I am not sure I can parent on my own, and he needs Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, that you are going to be doing the hardest work on their hearts.

Today I am thankful for my spouse and the ways he brings balance to who I am. He is a dreamer in ways that I am not. He pushes me to give more in some areas while stepping back in others. He challenges me to work harder and rest better. He offers words of praise and appreciation freely and is present with our children. He continues to surprise me with his understanding of the purpose of this life and the important components of having a good quality of life.

Today I am thankful for the tiny glimpses I get to see in the role God has for me in His kingdom. I believe that for the sake of our own humility that much of how we impact the kingdom of God will remain hidden. But God like to crack a window open periodically to encourage us to press on in this hard work of loving others and being bold in the truth. I am thankful for the little peek I get to see through the window today.

Today I am thankful for the painful, unhappy, awkward parts of my journey because they have made me who I am, and because they are still chipping away at me like a chisel in the hands of the Master Sculptor.

Today I am even thankful for the weather. California has been in a devastating drought, and we fell asleep to the sound of rain in the night. Every drop is a gift from above.

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;  let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

Let us come before Him with thanksgiving...

Psalm 95:1-2

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise;

give thanks to Him and praise His name.

For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;

His faithfulness continues though all generations.

Psalm 100:4-5

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.

Psalm 136:1

innumerable

Just before Thanksgiving I am struck with the ambition to send out my Christmas cards early, surprising everyone with my timeliness, fooling them into thinking I have it all together.

As you might have already guessed, that did not even come close to happening. On the contrary, an electronic greeting must suffice altogether this year. On the final day of December, I think it is not too late to squeak in a Christmas greeting from my family to yours!

Best of eighty plus photos. No joke.

The year 2014 has been a somewhat heavy one in our home for a number of different reasons, some emotional and Spiritual reasons, some related to health anomalies, some because of the trials of dear friends. As this year concludes, however, I have no trouble counting my blessings. As I begin to count them, I realize they are innumerable.

Happy New Year! May your blessings be too many to count!

gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful force.

It has the power to overcome other forces at play in our lives the way that nothing else can. Gratitude fights anger in our lives. It counteracts discontent. It redirects self-pity. It offers perspective on relational issues. It staves off loneliness. It transforms negative thoughts. It challenges anxiety. 

Gratitude, and not our circumstances, is the difference between a good day and a bad day. For it is a thankful heart that alters our perspective.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, 

rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with gratitude. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, 

which depends on human tradition and the elementary principles of this world rather than on Christ."

Colossians 2:6-8

How appropriate it is that the human tradition of focusing on what irks us, angers us, frustrates us and on what we do not have is called "hollow and deceptive philosophy". An "elementary principle of the world". Gratitude focuses on Christ.

I know that the Thanksgiving holiday is only celebrated in North America, and historically has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus Christ. But for me, Thanksgiving is the beginning of Advent. A whole holiday weekend centered around thankfulness is a wonderful invitation to cultivate a heart overflowing with gratitude,... right before we enter chaotic December and all of the holiday extras. With a heart full of thanks it is hard to feel as bogged down by the schedules and lists and stresses of the season.

May gratitude be the most powerful force at work in your life this season of Advent!

With faces like these around, what is there not to be thankful for?!

thank you

We had one of the best Thanksgivings ever. Celebrating with the family I grew up with. Besides the great food was the great company, which seems to get better every year. Thanksgivings keep getting better, as life keeps getting fuller, and the things we have to be thankful for multiply.

Reflecting on the things I have to be thankful for this season, over and over I come back to being reminded about the amazing people in my life... my children, my husband, my parents, my family, my friends.

The past few months have been a transitional season for us as we added a fifth little body to our family. The regular daily routines got tough for a while, but we are getting back to normal (the new form of normal, of course) and I would like to dedicate this post to the people who helped make that happen. I am especially thankful for the people who gave freely of themselves to help meet my family's emotional and physical needs during these post-baby months. Some were good close friends, some family members, and some people I might have only considered acquaintances until recently. All of them were living examples of Christ to me.

Simple things have humbled me with gratitude... like someone from Annike's school who sent home a goody bag with some special treats for me after the baby was born. And people who offered to pick up my daughter at school so I didn't have to climb into the car. And others who offered to take my 2-year-old so I could rest, even if I never took them up on it. And all of the amazing women who made a trek out to our house to bless us with a home-cooked meal, and save us from ordering pizza again. Someone even brought us a meal from 2 and a half hours away... humbling.

I am thankful. I am oh so thankful...
...for the people in my life who are filled with the wisdom of God and share freely, deeply, about their own experiences.

... who send me notes to say they care.

... who call me up, who text me, who send me an email just to check in.

... who showed up to surprise me on my birthday.

... who took time off of work to help me when the baby arrived.

... who ask me specifics about my life and challenge me to be more.

... who love me even though they recognize, and are sometimes bombarded with, all of my faults.

... who urge me to let some things go.

... who selflessly encourage others.

... who tell me I look good even when I know I don't.

... who love my kids like their own kids.

... who enjoy holding my baby.

... who have passed on baby clothing and baby needs to me.

... who are Godly examples to my children.

... who know just what to say when I am discouraged.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough.to just say thank you.

The thing about this list is that it involves so many separately wonderful people. No single person could have spread so much love. It was simple, small acts done by individuals that added up to be a huge collective blessing. Thank you for filling my heart with so many reasons to be thankful. Thank you.

happy birthday to me

Yep. Now it is my birthday. We like to pack it in around here! I think I am 34, but I will have to do the math to be absolutely sure.

This year all I want for my birthday is a luxurious nap... and a long bath. Strange how our perspectives of birthdays change as we mature. Even a few years ago I would have been disappointed if we did not at least go out to dinner on my birthday. Or I would secretly desire some unique gift.

I can honestly say that not a single material thing matters at the moment. My family is healthy and my heart is full of love for them. I was greeted with two little girly voices eagerly excited to wish me a "Happy Birthday" this morning. My husband is taking care of me. And I just received a surprise birthday visit including cake and coffee from some very dear friends who love my children as much as they love me.

My grandma's special gift to me on my birthday, and each of us individually, is a personal card that is really an exhortation over our lives. I especially appreciate her wisdom and written blessing for my life this year, and want to share it:

Dear Ashley, 

In all this flurry of new babies, I don’t want to overlook the mother of some of them!  In spite of the frenzy and clamor in every house with young children, these are some of the happiest years of your life!  You’ll forget the constant demands on your time and privacy, energy and interests, and remember all the joy of sticky fingers, delight in new discoveries, hugs around the neck (somehow, teenagers don’t indulge in expressing love or gratitude) and the absolute trust little ones show .  Relax and enjoy!  And don’t think you have to accomplish as much in the house as you have done prior to arrival #3.  You and Christian make ideal parents, and are mature enough to get your priorities straight. 

Above all, keep the place of Jesus prominent in your home, so that your children grow up to honor His Word always, sing songs of praise to Him, participate in all the church activities, and make Him a prominent Person in their lives. 

With much tender love,Grandma Grace

I had such low expectations for being the one who is celebrated this year, and yet I think it may be one of my best birthdays ever - because I have so much to celebrate!

big changes

Change.

Big change, little change. 

Good change, bad change. 

Change is an inevitable part of our lives. That is one thing that will never change.

This past weekend, Christian and I had the opportunity to step back and reflect upon some of the big changes coming to our lives soon. We escaped the children for a night in order to celebrate our 10th anniversary (already?! where has the time gone!!?)  And the theme we found ourselves discussing over and over is how immensely blessed we feel as we approach a new season in our lives.

We talked about all of the circumstances that have led us to this place, the decisions that have been made over the past few months, the seeming coincidences that could only be God's perfect timing, the worry and anxiety that accompanied the process of walking forward in faith. Ultimately, it all came back around to the fact that through it all, we are experiencing countless undeserved blessings. There is a humility that comes from not fully understanding why God has allowed us to experience His grace in this magnitude... but I guess that is the basic definition of grace, isn't it? Being gifted with something we really don't deserve.

At the top of the blessing list is the baby we are adding to the family sometime around the end of September. In a future post I hope to make time to articulate the exact reasons that this particular pregnancy feels extra-special.

Not long after we received the news of my pregnancy, we also received word that Christian's place of work would be closing. Though he has essentially been self-employed for the past 7 years, this news meant unemployment. A scary thought for any young family. True to the adage someone recently quoted me, "God is never early."

On Christian's final day of work, he went in for an interview and landed a job that far outweighs his previous one. Some of the added bonuses include health benefits (Hooray! Baby's arrival will not come straight out of our pockets!) and paid vacation (something not included in the old self-employment package) and the one that has me breathing huge sighs of relief is that I will no longer be in charge of the accounting/billing/bookkeeping/client management. The new job comes with its own office manager and the timing could not be better for me as I will soon tackle managing a home with 3 little bodies. Phew.

There is so much left unsaid in this post. But I hope in all that you read, you see how incomprehensibly blessed we feel as we leave an old season of life and press on toward a new, somewhat uncharted, season. A season that will bring inevitable change to our lives and our little routine. A season that we welcome with open arms because no matter what obstacles and challenges this new era brings, we know unequivocally that God has wrapped His arms around us and ushered us into this new place.

P.S.
Oh, and, the biggest bonus of all is that we get to have Daddy with us for 2 whole months in the interim time that he has between jobs!!  The timing for this pregnant Momma could not be better. We have some travel plans brewing... more to come soon.

gratitude

Every morning I awaken with my baby, and the feeling that I have been run over by a truck.  At least, I think I might feel the same if I was ever run over by a truck.  Instead, I have been awoken too many times through the night by a baby who has not yet learned that Mommy is nicer when she gets more sleep.  It takes every ounce of energy I have to open my eyes and drag myself out of bed.  And I wonder, will I make it through the day feeling this exhausted?  But every day, God give me the strength I need.  Once I am up (and have had that first cup of coffee) I actually feel pretty good.
For this I am grateful.

I have a 3-year-old.  She is going through a demanding phase.  I imagine I am not the only mom who wants to shout, Are you kidding me, Child?!?  I have devoted my entire day to entertaining you, picking up after you, feeding you, cleaning you, singing to you, reading to you, and driving you around!  I have given up my entire previous life of independence to care for you!!  And YOU are complaining about way I cut up your hot dog?!!  But I don't.  Instead I feel a deep compassion and love for this selfish child who God has entrusted to my care.  I am given patience where I had none.  Gentle words replace ugly ones. It is a genuine mothering miracle.
For this I am grateful.

My time is not my own.  It takes most of the morning to get myself dressed, let alone tidy up the breakfast dishes.  Entropy catches up to me quickly.  The children are incessant.  I can never quite recount what I have done between the hours of 7am and 11am, but I believe the time has vanished into filling the minor needs of my girls - making animals talk, changing a diaper, pulling out toys, feeding someone.  The day proceeds like this.  There is a point in the afternoon, far too brief but existent none-the-same, when both girls are napping (or at least quiet in their rooms.)  I sink into the couch, open my Bible, check email, or simply stare into empty space.  A tiny sliver of peace in a world of chaos.  The moment refreshes me.
For this I am grateful.

I am describing small, daily miracles.  Except that they are not small.  They are stuff life is made out of.  God gives us incredible strength to do what He asks us to do, to be who He asks us to be, to love how He asks us to love.
For this I am grateful.

In the new year I am making a conscious effort to practice the discipline of gratitude.  It is not a question of what I have to be grateful for, but whether I choose to see it.

This post is a follow up from my last post.

gifts

Someone told me it was amazing what you could get done when your baby arrives late.  It's true.

In fact, I am even beginning to see this time as a special gift.  Most of my pregnancy has been insanely busy - with weddings and weekend trips and construction projects and entertaining guests, all on top of the added exhaustion and enervation that is part of being pregnant.

But this final month of my pregnancy we cleared the calendar.  This was not done out of some sort of discipline where we recognized a need to slow down for the sake of our family.  It was done because Baby was about to arrive.  It was done because during my first pregnancy I was very sick in the final month.  Sick enough that the doctor wanted to induce me early, and Annike was born at 5 pounds, 12 ounces.

This time around, we slowed down out of necessity.  Of course, Baby has not come early, and this final month has felt very long.  But in the meantime, we have been given many gifts.

Like today... we spent the afternoon at the county fair, eating ice cream and petting the animals.  Annike's birthday is rapidly approaching and is now quite likely to be overlooked in the hospital madness that is sure to come, so we have seized the opportunity to celebrate early.  Lucky girl, she just might get to celebrate all week long!

And, while we have waited for our little precious bundle to arrive, we have not been idle.  It turns out that there is no such thing as nursery bedding in the colors pink, red, and yellow.  As a self-taught seamstress, I decided to attempt this "minor" sewing project... which quickly turned into a major one.  Each week that went by found me to adding a matching item to the crib bumper, like a bed ruffle, some curtains, a matching pillow, and next up is going to be a diaper holder.  My style of sewing never includes a pattern, so if you visit please do me the favor of arriving with an uncritical eye!

Our spring construction project was reconfiguring this bathroom, and I have finally had a little time to hang the towels and decorate.

These are just a few of the little gifts that have been given in the waiting period.  But the true gifts have been more recently realized...
I finally have the sincere recognition that we should cherish our final season as a family of three.  There was a God-given opportunity to encourage and pray with a dear friend this week.  Christian had the opportunity to speak wisdom into the life of a loved one, uplifting a depressed soul.  We faced Divine appointments with the full attention they warranted.  Encounters that would have been completely missed in the necessarily self-absorbed season of caring for a newborn.

Let's face it, patience is one of those things that none of us are very good at.  But it seems that God often, possibly always, has a plan for us in the waiting period.  I never would have planned this time of waiting into my own life, but I thank the Lord that He did.  And I thank Him for the Divine gifts that were discovered.

the waiting game...

... not one of my strengths.  Especially when waiting means one more day of painful stretched out body waddling around while trying to entertain a toddler, and one more night of restless tossing, attempting to go back to sleep without getting up to go to the bathroom or eat a snack.

But in these final days (my due date is Sept. 10 - please, Lord, let it be days and not weeks!) of waiting for Baby to arrive, I have the distinct feeling that I am being prompted to set my mind on the long list of things I have to be thankful for.  Because that list is most certainly longer than the list of complaints that monopolize my attention.

Things like...
... the time I have to spend with just Annike in these final days.

... my helpful husband who allows me to take long naps and does all of the bedtime duty with Annike (no short process these days.)

... a healthy pregnancy!  No pre-eclampsia this time around!!

... the perfect sunshiney mid-70s weather we have been blessed with while most of the nation is suffering from flooding, hurricanes, or insufferable heat.

... a huge number of friends and family who care about us, pray for us, and are checking in on us, almost as excited as we are to meet this little one!

... a husband who eats pretty much anything I put on the table.  If I don't put something on, then he finds food to put on the table.

... the motivation we had to finish the final wing of our house before Baby arrives.

... the moments of silence I catch during the day.

... my health, and the health of my loved ones.  This is not said with any generic sense of just looking for something to be thankful for, but with sincere gratefulness.  What a gift our physical and emotional health is.

It is easy to use pregnancy as a license to complain because, after all, everyone understands why I feel low on energy, and physically exhausted.  I think we can all find a good excuse to be negative about our lives.  A difficult job, a disease, a child with a strong personality, trouble with finances, irritating relationships that we are stuck in... they are all great reasons to feel sorry for ourselves.  Everyone understands why we might want to complain about them.  

But being thankful is not only for certain seasons in our life.  It is an attitude we are called to practice.  An attitude I have found really difficult for the past 9 months.  So difficult, that I wonder where my real personality has disappeared to. 

And in these final days of pregnancy, I am reminded that I need to finish well.  Maybe I have allowed the many aches and pains along the way to control my thoughts, but it is not too late to finish well.  No matter what crazy stage in life we are tossed into, each one of us has been given the power to set our minds on things above.  The many gifts we have been freely given that not one of deserves. 

Please join me in laying aside the river of reasons to complain, and jumping into the ocean of reasons to be grateful.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things... And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." 

Colossians 3

thanksgiving

Is it generic to post on thankfulness around Thanksgiving? As I was pondering this question, the thought occurred to me that being thankful is never generic. We have far more negative thoughts, criticisms, complaints, and aggravations to incorporate into our conversation than we do items springing from a grateful heart.

So, in the spirit of actually being quite unique, creative, and counter-cultural, I am going to share just a few of the overwhelming number of things in my life that I have to be thankful for. Besides an adorable daughter and a handsome hubby, we have two wonderful families and got to celebrate Thanksgiving twice because of it! Talk about gluttony! We not only enjoyed good food, but good company too. I am thankful for the icy weather outside that reminds me Christmas is around the corner, and the hot fire in our potbelly stove that keeps our living room toasty. I am thankful for the last of the apples on our trees, and the apple pie sitting on the counter top. I am grateful for the dear friends we have who invest in our daughter, and are great examples for us in how they raise their own children. I am glad that we have a church home that has a heart for the town of Santa Cruz, and that we get to be a part of that outreach in our own way. And right now, I am especially thankful that God provides readily, regularly, and regardless of the condition of my heart.

Thanksgiving #1 at Christian's parents house...

(Annike and Opa were making funny faces at each other!)


Thanksgiving #2 at Ashley's parents house.






Let's let the habit of thanksgiving follow us through the holiday season. The actual day of Thanksgiving is just one needed reminder for the majority of us self-centered pessimists to put a little thought into being thankful.

the grocery store

The grocery store was so crowded this morning. My cart was inevitably in someones way, and I really was trying to make a quick dash in and out. I was digging through the meat section next to another man, who was also digging. I was, of course, in his way. Starting to complain to him, and justify my presence so that I didn't feel so bad about blocking his access to the meats, I grouched, "The store is so crowded today! I was told that Tuesday mornings were the best days for shopping. So much for that!" He said, "Today is Wednesday."

Oh.

It is so easy to find something to complain about. And so easy to start a conversation with a negative thought, because frankly, when I am being negative I have a lot in common with the rest of the world. Shopping with a two-year-old often makes me feel rushed. And I must travel around the store with some kind of harried, desperate look on my face because more than once, someone has yielded to me saying "You look like you are in a hurry..."

When I was teaching full time, my grocery shopping was limited to rush hour or Saturdays. Now I am limited only by a nap schedule. My "hurry" in the store is just a result of being a somewhat disorganized mom, timing our shopping trip when Annike should be eating lunch. Instead of complaining because I think I should be the only one shopping in the grocery store before noon, I want to cultivate a grateful heart. Time to to take a step back and say "Let me wait patiently over here while you search through the meats!"

Today, I want to share just a few of the simple things I am thankful for:

1. I have an hour or more of quiet before my daughter wakes up from her nap!
2. An easy dinner is planned for tonight!
3. My daughter is sleeping through the night!
4. It is fireplace and pumpkin season!
5. The apples in our yard taste delicious!

My family is wonderful, we have a set of fantastic friends, God in my life makes all things possible. What more do I have to complain about?