getting dressed

Getting dressed in the morning unleashes all kinds of drama in our household.

From "I can't find my shoes!" even though there are 3 other pairs by the door. I have decided I must have the missing pair today.

To "I don't have anything to wear!!" because my favorite dress that I have worn for the past 5 days in a row has been stolen by my mother for the purpose of washing. The other twenty thousand things in the closet will not do.

My personal favorite is "I can't wear any of my socks because they all have threads hanging off of them!!!" said in the shrillest of panicky voices. Even though we live in an age when scissors have already been invented.

And, of course, the inevitable ear-piercing shrieks surrounding hair and any attempt to tame it.

I would have thought having a boy was easier, but he continues to be on a pants strike, removing them along with his diaper at every opportunity, and non-opportunity, along the way. He is almost stronger than I am when it comes to physically fighting to put clothes on.

Getting dressed is something we do every single day, even on a lazy Saturday. If the kids have already eaten breakfast then the process of putting on clothes, and brushing teeth and hair, literally takes three and a half minutes. Boom. Ready. So much faster than this adult Momma who needs a lot more primping to be presentable. Three and a half minutes is the time if there are no tantrums in any form.

I realized recently that the majority of my parental disciplining happens while the kids are getting ready in the morning. The same morning routine we repeat every single day is a launch point for drama in all forms, rotating through the children. We get hysterical crying to kicking fits to running away to horribly mean and awful things said by children to their parents. I generally begin correction with a calm tone of voice, logical reasoning, or gently urging the child in the right direction. But as panic about being late to whichever prospective destination sets in, I resort to yelling. Sometimes short military commands in my most authoritative voice. If there is time, a child is sentenced to her room. Sometimes a spanking. It isn't a great way to start the day.

Sunday mornings are inevitably the worst. Something about that slight change in routine and the pressure of getting all five of us into the same car at the same time. By the time we pull into the church parking lot it feels like I have already run a marathon. On Sunday morning the Devil is doing his best work to keep us from leaving the house.

On the surface the issue appears to really be about the dangling thread that clearly requires us to throw away every sock we own. If only the thread wasn't tickling the ankle in such a meltdown-inducing manner, then the morning might have gone smoothly.

I have come to believe, however, there is something about the getting ready process that reveals the condition of our hearts. If it wasn't the irritating thread, it would be the missing pair of favorite underwear. If it wasn't the underwear, then it would definitely be the fact that I made two full ponytails when the child wanted two half ponytails.

Some days we wake up ready to flexibly accept and manage conflict. Some days we wake up ready for rebellion... against order, against authority, against conformity, against being told what to do, against structure when play sounds much better, against me. I have come to believe that getting our physical bodies ready is just another means for revealing the readiness of our hearts.

Getting dressed is a discipline in the simplest, most basic, form. It isn't something we always enjoy doing, but we must do it anyway. That is what makes it a discipline. Putting clothes on isn't the only discipline we should practice at the beginning of our day. If the simple act of obedience of getting dressed is the catalyst for a full stage rebellion against Momma, then perhaps the problem lies much deeper than the outfit of the day.

Perhaps the real discipline we should be practicing is the discipline of getting our hearts ready. There is a bucket load of conflict awaiting us in the big wide world. Adults and children alike, from getting stuck in traffic to working with difficult people to other kids who take the toy we were holding. Conflict is one thing we can count on.

Handling conflict with grace, and love, and peace, and gentleness, and joy, and kindness is an opportunity to be set apart as different because we believe in Jesus Christ, and all of the grace, love, peace, gentleness, joy, and kindness He shows us.

It helps me to view all of the drama we endure during our getting-ready routine as a training ground for the conflict that is inevitable outside our front doors. It reminds me that on top of getting my kids' bodies ready for school, I need to help them get their hearts ready.

In fact, getting their hearts ready, and teaching them to do it themselves, might be my most important job as a parent. The discipline of making clothing choices and practicing cheerful obedience is only the beginning of a lifetime learning true readiness for the day ahead. There is so much more to it than the clothes we put on. Teaching them to set their hearts in the right place before walking out the door is the bigger picture.

None of this is my idea. It all comes from Ephesians chapter 6:

"Therefore, put on the full armor of God...

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

Eph 6:13-18

We can use a little more "feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace" around here in the mornings. So we begin with a whole lot of practice embracing our most basic discipline with joy, in hopes that one day it will get easier.

This post was inspired by a family photo session taken by a long time friend last weekend. As you might imagine, no one wanted to wear the outfits I originally picked out. I was able to bribe the girls with chocolate into wearing matching dresses. The boys (meaning the little one and the big one) didn't fall for that trick. Their original outfits disappeared into a mysterious black hole in our home. Oh well. Our photographer did a marvelous job at capturing the grins and giggles in between the grimaces. Thank you, dear friend. You did a beautiful job despite some uncooperative hearts!