the call to greatness

I recently played the violin as part of a worship gathering for women. An embarrassing number of close friends came up to me afterwards and told me they had never heard me play before. It shocked me. So much of my young life involved playing violin - practicing daily, playing for recitals, playing at church, playing in orchestras or for special events, throughout college, or with friends just for fun. Music was a big part of my life, and I worked very hard to be good at it.

Until I had children.

My college degree is another one that tosses over in my mind, begging to be used, causing me to wonder why it has slipped away from me in this current decade of parenting young children. I spent all my years in school dedicated to academics so I could get a scholarship to the right university, then a slave to my scholarship to maintain it. All leading to a degree in chemistry... which I have discovered is not needed much at home with children ages seven and under.

Sometimes I wonder if I am wisely using the gifts I have been given. There are things I have spent my whole life working toward that now lay unused and unnecessary on the side of the road. Is this the way it was meant to be?

I think a lot of mothers feel this way. There is discord between faithfully trudging through the humble duties of parenting, and pursing a life that exercises the full potential of who we were created to be. I constantly wrestle with this.

We live in a day and age when anyone can find their 30 seconds of fame, from YouTube videos that go viral to all varieties of reality television. In our culture, fame is the ultimate form of success or recognition.

Let's face it, motherhood is not the route to fame or recognition. No one gets invited to be a guest star on Ellen for a stellar job on mopping the floors yet again, or reading bedtime stories, or de-cluttering a dresser by sorting through another set of clothes that don't fit a growing child. But it absolutely must be done.

God gives each of us unique giftings for the purpose of using them. Housekeeping, and other tasks of that nature, lack the ability to fulfill me in the same way that using good gifts such as music and the intelligent side of my brain can. And I keep wondering... wasn't I destined for something greater?

Then, this passage from the gospel of Mark. Jesus' words themselves in response to an argument about what makes one person greater than another:

"They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them,“What were you arguing about on the road?” But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. 

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all."  

He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”  

Mark 9:33-37

Greatness comes from being the servant of all. Especially to little children.

It is not a very popular idea to preach putting your own life and dreams on hold in order to serve others, but women raising families are constantly doing this. Whether at home full time, or working full time, or something in between, the added responsibilities of mothering often delay the pursuit of personal dreams.

I feel that call to greatness in my spirit, and I want to interpret it to mean that I should be using all of the gifts that God has given me to shine with brilliance and excellence, all while glorifying Him. But these words of Jesus redefine what greatness means. Greatness is not fame or glory to which the media would gravitate. It is born out of being a servant.

In this decade home with small children, the call to greatness begins in the quiet of my home. It is practiced daily on my family, the ones least likely to show appreciation. I am the last one to sit down with a full plate at the dinner table, the last one to climb in the car because my hands are full of everyone else's things, the last one to slide into bed at night, and the last one to pursue my dreams.

I'll be the first to admit there are many days when it is hard to do it with joy. Some seasons weigh me down with frustration over all of that hard work I have done over the course of my life going to waste. Yet, Jesus is the author of all of those skills and talents I once had, and the One who dreamed up who I am in the first place. He is writing a greater story than I can even begin to imagine. It happens to be far bigger than me, myself, and the important person I think I should be.

If I am pursuing God's greatest call to be a servant, then I don't need to worry about whether I am using my gifts or skills the way God envisioned. He won't let a single gift of importance fall to the wayside. He will raise up every talent and hard-earned skill when they are necessary, and I can trust Him to bring the whole of who I am together in due time.

In the meantime... patience. And joyful serving. And clinging to the hope that the best is yet to come.