love and adventure

Yosemite National Park must be one of my very favorite places on earth.

My childhood was packed with memories in this special place... climbing to the top of Half Dome... getting lost while rafting down the Merced River... staring at the shadow of a bear on my tent while I listened to him eat a pineapple upside down cake inches away from me... spending life-changing weeks at summer camp in Wawona... hiking and walking and bike riding and star gazing and rock climbing... adventure. A God-carved, awe-inspiring glimpse of heaven on earth.

On Valentine's weekend I visited with all the loves of my life. These people have been my Valentines for anywhere between 1 and 13 years!

The littlest loves began the weekend's childhood adventures with a wade in the snow-melt.

It was a uniquely warm February day. Apparently all of California was similarly inspired to visit Yosemite for the special weekend. This translated to parking our car really far away from every destination, which meant a lot of walking. In our family, a lot of walking also means a lot of carrying children. I filled my exercise quota for the week. It led to some necessary ice cream breaks to keep the smiles coming.

We were joined by members of my family for a wonderful weekend all around. All my loves in a lovely place. A set of grandparents and some extra adults around is an excellent idea when traveling anywhere with three young kids.

Annike, my mother, Sommer, my sister, and myself. All of the ladies in the family.

Karsten and my mother on the Wawona covered bridge.

Sommer fishing for the first time with my dad.

pinterest fail

It's the second week of February and I am having nightmares of last year's Valentine's Day when I got a crazy notion that I should send a snack into the kindergarten Valentine's party that was both healthy AND cute. Yes, I do know that no child willingly chooses a healthy option at a class party. Still, we have our motherly ambitions.

Enter Pinterest, with its eye candy photos and links to the unimaginable. Pinterest and its simple inspirations for every occasion. HA! I settled on yogurt parfaits with blueberry and strawberry toppings in a waffle cone. The picture was adorable. All of the ingredients were readied the night before and I woke up early on the day of the party to be sure I had enough time to assemble the treats.

Friends, Pinterest is not mother-tested. I knew we were in trouble as my husband was carrying the parfaits out the front door in my clever egg carton carrying case. It was too late. We were already committed. I tried to ignore the wavering waffle cones, slightly losing their shape as the moisture began to soak through. I wanted to hope for the best. Let's just push them lower down into the carrier, I suggested as I ushered my husband out the door with the treats and my daughter, Can't be late for school drop-off on a special day like today!

After the ten minute car ride only half of the waffle cones looked edible. By the time the party rolled around mid-day, the entire tray of soggy mess had to be tossed. My contribution to the class festivities went directly into the trash can. Nowhere, I repeat NOWHERE, did the Pinterest-popular recipe mention that these treats must be eaten within 5 minutes of assembly lest they collapse and taste like a leftover bowl of cereal. That kind of information is apparently not Pinterest-worthy.

I had a similar experience making cake pops for my daughter's birthday. I will spare you the details, but if you want to know what happened just try making your own cake pops. If I ever want cake pops again, I WILL BUY THEM. They are worth every penny. (In defense of the cake pops, they at least still tasted good after falling apart.)

All this striving to impress 5 and 6-year-olds. The same 5 and 6-year-olds who have glue dripping off of every project and who don't always feel like coloring in the lines. The ones who are still learning to make their letters all the same size. The ones who think that when it comes to glitter or sprinkles, more is always better. Or was it really to impress them?

The worst part of these experiences was the way the word "failure" played on repeat in my head. There was the failure to create what I intended to create. There was also the failure to create the perception of perfection.

Pinterest gets a lot of slack for causing feelings of inadequacy in those of us who are less-than-perfect. For example, me. Pinterest itself is not doing anything inherently wrong. Pinterest only represents the ideology of women in my generation:  appear creative, original, trendy, or a perfect blend of healthy and cute, in order to give the illusion that we have it all together.

I am here to tell you that the perfect blend of healthy and cute does not exist. I do not, and will never, have it all together. I am admittedly far less-than-perfect. As proof, I will stand proudly behind my Pinterest failures and hope it sparks change in the ideology women subscribe to. There should be no more sleep lost or wrinkles gained over achieving an illusion. Failed crafts and projects do not define me, and neither do successful ones. I would much rather be known at school as the mother who would never judge others for their lack of presentation. The mother who would laugh at and learn from mistakes made, full of grace for all, especially herself.

For Valentine's Day this year, instead of Pinterest-perfect try something tested by time... like candy hearts and a paper Valentine. It just might be the most original thing the kids at school have ever seen.

13 months

The wall of 13-month olds. One of the finished results of my summer framing project.
(Can you tell I am proud of my one accomplished project for the year?)

All of us captured at the same age.
All black and white and smiles.
All chubs and tow-heads.
All family.

Just in case you were wondering, we are related.

From top to bottom, oldest to youngest: Christian, Ashley, Annike, Sommer, then Karsten.

invite them in

I have been challenged recently to invite people into my home even when it doesn't seem easy or convenient.

There are a number of reasons that I, personally, feel reluctant to invite people into my home. Most of them boil down to insecurities about how clean the bathroom is (or is not) and how much energy it will take to get my house into a presentable state. Some of the reasons are related to food, considering that I am not an outstanding cook and since having three kids often find my cupboards bare. I simply can not get to the grocery store between naps and school drop-off. It also takes time and motivation to be involved in preparation for a guest, neither of which I have in excess. Then there is the juggling of the ability to enjoy the guest's company while remaining responsible for all of my regular charges, namely those 6 and under.

We have had some last minute opportunities to open up our home, and our barn, and our space to others. There is always an internal struggle I face with feelings of inadequacy for the task of having people over. I don't feel gifted as a hostess. I don't want to spend my preparation time as a stress case. I don't want to work harder than I am already working in order to be responsible for more people. I feel pressure for those invited to have a good time. These inadequacies conflict with the conviction that God wants our family to share the space that He has given us.

An invitation is a gift to someone. God calls us to give gifts out our own abundance. In my case, my abundance is a warm home to live in and a wide open outdoor space for children to run freely in. God calls me to share what I have been given, not to focus on what I wish I had to offer but do not. What I sometimes want to give is a the gift of a perfectly clean house with pinterest-perfect food and no chaos running around me, but that is not my abundance.

Inviting someone in, means inviting them into the mess. I have to be okay with crumbs on the floor and dustballs under the furniture and that sticky spot on the couch that I keep meaning to wipe. Because as long as there are young children living in my house, there will also be toys scattered indiscriminately. As long as there are healthy people eating and being fed, there will also be dirty dishes. As long as there are little people with creative minds, there will also be "collections" of strange objects in odd places. And as long as we live on a farm, there will be piles of dirt by the front door. I will never be able to invite someone into the perfection of my space, because that reality does not exist.

This isn't to say that I don't spend the 20 minutes prior to someone's arrival running around like a mad woman throwing toys into baskets and wiping down countertops and other surfaces. I have some company priorities, like a cleared kitchen table at which guests can sit, and a no-clothes-on-the-floor policy because no one likes to step on someone else's dirty underwear. I attempt to keep my house at a general standard of cleanliness on a day to day (okay, week to week) basis, but there is always more to be done.

In those last minute panic attacks, it helps me to remember what an old friend once told me about her own mother who turned into a stress case shouting orders at everyone before company arrived. She told me that all of her siblings hated having guests over. They felt afraid of the person their mother turned into and associated horror in their home with the arrival of company. In the stress of last minute attempts at straightening I must remember that the lessons I teach my children before guests arrive are far more important than the appearance of my home. I am training them up to be the next generation of hosts and hostesses. My heart in those final 20 minutes matters most.

I have another friend with four children who lives in a tiny house. The first time she invited me over she told me, "Come! Just know that it will be messy!" Of course it was messy. She has four small kids and lives in a small house and her husband works all day. There are piles of laundry and toys everywhere. Something exploded in her microwave a long time ago and she has never had a moment to scrub it. If she does have that moment, I am sure scrubbing the microwave is way down on the priority list. I am blessed every time I visit her. She is present with me. My kids have a blast and I don't worry about what kind of mischief they are getting into. We have deep conversation in the midst of the chaos. It restores my soul and I am thankful for the gift that she gives.

There is a vulnerability that comes as a natural partner to inviting someone into the imperfection. Perhaps when other see my messy living room they feel less need for pretension themselves. If we are truth-tellers in words, then why not be truth-tellers in appearance?

When I think about it, I don't actually get invited into someone else's home all that often. Maybe there are a lot of reasons. Maybe life is quite busy. Maybe others live in cramped spaces. Maybe it is because I always have three children in tow. I sure hope it isn't because women are afraid of how I might judge their space. What I really think though, is that people don't do a lot of inviting.

We have to change our view of invitations. They are less about me, and more about the great gift that is given to someone else - the gift of showing interest and concern in another human being.

An invitation is a simple way of saying, "Let's be friends! I will accept your imperfections if you will accept mine. Let's be imperfect together."

And just maybe, the world will be a more loving, less judging place because of it.

celebrate intentionally

New Year's Eve sure looks different with three small kids than it did a few years ago without them! I am embarrassed to admit it, but staying awake until midnight does not even tempt me now that I am counting every precious minute of sleep, as good as gold in my pocket.

Fortunately, the new year is about more than staying awake until midnight. It is about being intentional with our beginnings. It is about making a choice to start something well, not jaded by a previous difficult year or clouded by Christmas clutter. Beginning a new year is about starting something with thought and purpose. And about thanking God that He has given us a world that is full of new beginnings. This is not a careless coincidence of the earth rotating around the sun. It is a part of God's intentional design for human beings and their well being.

This is a new year. Celebrate intentionally!

In our house, as part of new tradition, this means that we throw a family party.
We decorated party hats and wands and blew up balloons.

Celebration dinner was homemade pizza made by everyone who lives here,

complete with an apple cider toast.

We played games. We had movie night. We did the countdown at 8pm with, um, Domincan Republic? I am not positive that anyone legitimately lives in that time zone, but all that mattered to the kids is that every 10 seconds we were popping balloons strung from the ceiling filled with confetti.

We were all in a good mood and we were together. Annike told us with enthusiasm, "This is the best day ever!" Because in her mind, there is nothing better than having fun with a family who loves each other. We began the new year together, and we began it well.

Starting well doesn't mean we always finish well. Still, we celebrate the new beginnings that are given as a gift for the purpose of newness in our lives, newness in our spirits, newness in our hearts.

Thank you, Jesus, for new beginnings.

(Guess who was trying to hog the family selfie...)

innumerable

Just before Thanksgiving I am struck with the ambition to send out my Christmas cards early, surprising everyone with my timeliness, fooling them into thinking I have it all together.

As you might have already guessed, that did not even come close to happening. On the contrary, an electronic greeting must suffice altogether this year. On the final day of December, I think it is not too late to squeak in a Christmas greeting from my family to yours!

Best of eighty plus photos. No joke.

The year 2014 has been a somewhat heavy one in our home for a number of different reasons, some emotional and Spiritual reasons, some related to health anomalies, some because of the trials of dear friends. As this year concludes, however, I have no trouble counting my blessings. As I begin to count them, I realize they are innumerable.

Happy New Year! May your blessings be too many to count!

the magic of Christmas

The Christmas season is an invitation for everyone to pause and consider the deeper purpose of humanity on earth, even those who don't believe in the salvation purpose of the baby Jesus. I am awed that even those who don't believe recognize the mystery of this celebration. Even those who don't believe want to be more generous, more kind, more forgiving, better people this time of year. This is, of course, the power of the Spirit of Jesus moving in and among them, though they may not be able to give the feeling a name.

While preparing a card, I landed on these quotes about Christmas. The speakers come from all walks of faith, but each one speaks in awe of the magic, or Majesty, of Christmas. Enjoy them, both silly and serious, alongside me.  And Merry Christmas from our family to yours!


“He who has not Christmas in his heart 
will never find it under a tree.” 
 -- Roy L. Smith

“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, 

and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, 

become a child again at Christmas-time.”  

-- Laura Ingalls Wilder 

The Little House in the Big Woods

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, 
and try to keep it all the year."
-- Charles Dickens

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. 

In the eyes of children they are all 30 feet tall." 

-- Larry Wilde

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! 
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. 
What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" 
-- Dr. Seuss
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

"Christmas is a necessity. 

There has to be at least one day of the year 

to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves."

--Eric Sevareid

"Christmas is not as much about opening our presents, as opening our hearts." 
-- Janice Maeditere

"Mankind is a great, an immense family. 

This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas."

-- Pope John XXIII

"Christmas is not a time or season, but a state of mind. 

To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, 

is to have the real spirit of Christmas."

-- Calvin Coolidge

"The earth has grown old with its burden of care, 
but at Christmas it is always young..."
-- Phillips Brooks

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is 

the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. 

Don't clean it up too quickly."  

-- Andy Rooney

"Who can add to Christmas? 

The perfect motive is that God so loved the world. 

The perfect gift is that He gave His only Son. 

The only requirement is to believe in Him. 

The reward of faith is that you shall have everlasting life."

-- Corrie Ten Boom