invite them in

I have been challenged recently to invite people into my home even when it doesn't seem easy or convenient.

There are a number of reasons that I, personally, feel reluctant to invite people into my home. Most of them boil down to insecurities about how clean the bathroom is (or is not) and how much energy it will take to get my house into a presentable state. Some of the reasons are related to food, considering that I am not an outstanding cook and since having three kids often find my cupboards bare. I simply can not get to the grocery store between naps and school drop-off. It also takes time and motivation to be involved in preparation for a guest, neither of which I have in excess. Then there is the juggling of the ability to enjoy the guest's company while remaining responsible for all of my regular charges, namely those 6 and under.

We have had some last minute opportunities to open up our home, and our barn, and our space to others. There is always an internal struggle I face with feelings of inadequacy for the task of having people over. I don't feel gifted as a hostess. I don't want to spend my preparation time as a stress case. I don't want to work harder than I am already working in order to be responsible for more people. I feel pressure for those invited to have a good time. These inadequacies conflict with the conviction that God wants our family to share the space that He has given us.

An invitation is a gift to someone. God calls us to give gifts out our own abundance. In my case, my abundance is a warm home to live in and a wide open outdoor space for children to run freely in. God calls me to share what I have been given, not to focus on what I wish I had to offer but do not. What I sometimes want to give is a the gift of a perfectly clean house with pinterest-perfect food and no chaos running around me, but that is not my abundance.

Inviting someone in, means inviting them into the mess. I have to be okay with crumbs on the floor and dustballs under the furniture and that sticky spot on the couch that I keep meaning to wipe. Because as long as there are young children living in my house, there will also be toys scattered indiscriminately. As long as there are healthy people eating and being fed, there will also be dirty dishes. As long as there are little people with creative minds, there will also be "collections" of strange objects in odd places. And as long as we live on a farm, there will be piles of dirt by the front door. I will never be able to invite someone into the perfection of my space, because that reality does not exist.

This isn't to say that I don't spend the 20 minutes prior to someone's arrival running around like a mad woman throwing toys into baskets and wiping down countertops and other surfaces. I have some company priorities, like a cleared kitchen table at which guests can sit, and a no-clothes-on-the-floor policy because no one likes to step on someone else's dirty underwear. I attempt to keep my house at a general standard of cleanliness on a day to day (okay, week to week) basis, but there is always more to be done.

In those last minute panic attacks, it helps me to remember what an old friend once told me about her own mother who turned into a stress case shouting orders at everyone before company arrived. She told me that all of her siblings hated having guests over. They felt afraid of the person their mother turned into and associated horror in their home with the arrival of company. In the stress of last minute attempts at straightening I must remember that the lessons I teach my children before guests arrive are far more important than the appearance of my home. I am training them up to be the next generation of hosts and hostesses. My heart in those final 20 minutes matters most.

I have another friend with four children who lives in a tiny house. The first time she invited me over she told me, "Come! Just know that it will be messy!" Of course it was messy. She has four small kids and lives in a small house and her husband works all day. There are piles of laundry and toys everywhere. Something exploded in her microwave a long time ago and she has never had a moment to scrub it. If she does have that moment, I am sure scrubbing the microwave is way down on the priority list. I am blessed every time I visit her. She is present with me. My kids have a blast and I don't worry about what kind of mischief they are getting into. We have deep conversation in the midst of the chaos. It restores my soul and I am thankful for the gift that she gives.

There is a vulnerability that comes as a natural partner to inviting someone into the imperfection. Perhaps when other see my messy living room they feel less need for pretension themselves. If we are truth-tellers in words, then why not be truth-tellers in appearance?

When I think about it, I don't actually get invited into someone else's home all that often. Maybe there are a lot of reasons. Maybe life is quite busy. Maybe others live in cramped spaces. Maybe it is because I always have three children in tow. I sure hope it isn't because women are afraid of how I might judge their space. What I really think though, is that people don't do a lot of inviting.

We have to change our view of invitations. They are less about me, and more about the great gift that is given to someone else - the gift of showing interest and concern in another human being.

An invitation is a simple way of saying, "Let's be friends! I will accept your imperfections if you will accept mine. Let's be imperfect together."

And just maybe, the world will be a more loving, less judging place because of it.

celebrate intentionally

New Year's Eve sure looks different with three small kids than it did a few years ago without them! I am embarrassed to admit it, but staying awake until midnight does not even tempt me now that I am counting every precious minute of sleep, as good as gold in my pocket.

Fortunately, the new year is about more than staying awake until midnight. It is about being intentional with our beginnings. It is about making a choice to start something well, not jaded by a previous difficult year or clouded by Christmas clutter. Beginning a new year is about starting something with thought and purpose. And about thanking God that He has given us a world that is full of new beginnings. This is not a careless coincidence of the earth rotating around the sun. It is a part of God's intentional design for human beings and their well being.

This is a new year. Celebrate intentionally!

In our house, as part of new tradition, this means that we throw a family party.
We decorated party hats and wands and blew up balloons.

Celebration dinner was homemade pizza made by everyone who lives here,

complete with an apple cider toast.

We played games. We had movie night. We did the countdown at 8pm with, um, Domincan Republic? I am not positive that anyone legitimately lives in that time zone, but all that mattered to the kids is that every 10 seconds we were popping balloons strung from the ceiling filled with confetti.

We were all in a good mood and we were together. Annike told us with enthusiasm, "This is the best day ever!" Because in her mind, there is nothing better than having fun with a family who loves each other. We began the new year together, and we began it well.

Starting well doesn't mean we always finish well. Still, we celebrate the new beginnings that are given as a gift for the purpose of newness in our lives, newness in our spirits, newness in our hearts.

Thank you, Jesus, for new beginnings.

(Guess who was trying to hog the family selfie...)

innumerable

Just before Thanksgiving I am struck with the ambition to send out my Christmas cards early, surprising everyone with my timeliness, fooling them into thinking I have it all together.

As you might have already guessed, that did not even come close to happening. On the contrary, an electronic greeting must suffice altogether this year. On the final day of December, I think it is not too late to squeak in a Christmas greeting from my family to yours!

Best of eighty plus photos. No joke.

The year 2014 has been a somewhat heavy one in our home for a number of different reasons, some emotional and Spiritual reasons, some related to health anomalies, some because of the trials of dear friends. As this year concludes, however, I have no trouble counting my blessings. As I begin to count them, I realize they are innumerable.

Happy New Year! May your blessings be too many to count!

the magic of Christmas

The Christmas season is an invitation for everyone to pause and consider the deeper purpose of humanity on earth, even those who don't believe in the salvation purpose of the baby Jesus. I am awed that even those who don't believe recognize the mystery of this celebration. Even those who don't believe want to be more generous, more kind, more forgiving, better people this time of year. This is, of course, the power of the Spirit of Jesus moving in and among them, though they may not be able to give the feeling a name.

While preparing a card, I landed on these quotes about Christmas. The speakers come from all walks of faith, but each one speaks in awe of the magic, or Majesty, of Christmas. Enjoy them, both silly and serious, alongside me.  And Merry Christmas from our family to yours!


“He who has not Christmas in his heart 
will never find it under a tree.” 
 -- Roy L. Smith

“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, 

and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, 

become a child again at Christmas-time.”  

-- Laura Ingalls Wilder 

The Little House in the Big Woods

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, 
and try to keep it all the year."
-- Charles Dickens

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. 

In the eyes of children they are all 30 feet tall." 

-- Larry Wilde

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! 
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. 
What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" 
-- Dr. Seuss
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

"Christmas is a necessity. 

There has to be at least one day of the year 

to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves."

--Eric Sevareid

"Christmas is not as much about opening our presents, as opening our hearts." 
-- Janice Maeditere

"Mankind is a great, an immense family. 

This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas."

-- Pope John XXIII

"Christmas is not a time or season, but a state of mind. 

To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, 

is to have the real spirit of Christmas."

-- Calvin Coolidge

"The earth has grown old with its burden of care, 
but at Christmas it is always young..."
-- Phillips Brooks

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is 

the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. 

Don't clean it up too quickly."  

-- Andy Rooney

"Who can add to Christmas? 

The perfect motive is that God so loved the world. 

The perfect gift is that He gave His only Son. 

The only requirement is to believe in Him. 

The reward of faith is that you shall have everlasting life."

-- Corrie Ten Boom

little boys

People often ask me if it is different having a little boy in the house after having two girls.  Until recently my answer was mostly "no".  He was born with a surprisingly deep growl for a voice, a decidedly male trait, but outside of that there are basic personality differences between all children and it was hard to pin down which parts were specifically different because of the male component.

Now that he is well into his first year, those differences have begun to present themselves. I find myself awed at some of his stereotypical behavior, and awed at the way that God designed a boy to be uniquely different from the start of life. Some particular items of interest:

Item 1:  He never stops moving. Never. Even tired, he rolls, thrashes, and wiggles in his crib until the moment he crashes into deep sleep.

Item 2:  He is an explorer by nature. We had some pet doggy visitors over Thanksgiving and when they entered our house they had to sniff and investigate every corner and cranny before they could rest or relax. My little son behaves much the same. Anything new in the environment cannot be ignored but must be explored.

Item 3:  He likes to pick up big things and throw them. Giant pillows, his riding train, backpacks full of toys, clothes. Sometimes I even find him trying to pick up me.

Item 4:  He has a fetish for long hair. Especially my hair. In third grade there was a little boy named Frank who stood behind me in the lunch line. Everyday he pulled on and played with my braids or pony tail, and irritated me immensely. I could not understand why he wanted to touch my hair all the time. The Bible says that a woman's long hair is her glory (1 Cor 11:15). Historically, men have loved the long hair of women. I never knew how innate this trait was. If Karsten had his way, my hair would be his comfort blanket and his binky replacement. It seems to always be in his hands or in his mouth. Karsten will be the irritating boy in the lunch line to some little girl one day, I am sure of it.

Item 5:  He is an eater. The way to his heart is through his stomach. He will like you if you feed him and is adept at stealing food from abandoned plates around the house. After Thanksgiving dinner he crawled up to the table and finished off his sister's meal. This is not an uncommon sight now that he can climb chairs.

Item 6:  He is a snuggler. So much more so than my girls. This little boy learns by touch and loves by touch. His hugs are the best, with strength and recognition and jubilation in them.

Item 7:  He is a breath-holder. A breath-holder, as in does not stop to breath when he gets mad but just keeps pushing air out until the scream turns silent, until the lips turn purple, until finally one breath and one loud shriek before the eyes roll back and the child passes out. Usually in my arms, as I am attempting to protect him from injury during the fit. The most it has happened is 4 times in one day, so that's okay, right? The doctor says he will grow out of it when he learns enough language to communicate his frustrations. Yep, I am looking forward to that stage. (This item is not gender specific, but I wanted to throw it in there because it says something about his personality.)

Item 8:  He is a climber. Oh my. I thought perhaps my children didn't have the climbing gene and I might make it through child-rearing without this difficult trait. Never allow yourself to dare to think something like that for it will surely be proved wrong. At one week shy of 14 months old Karsten was crying hard in the middle of the night. This is not particularly unusual and putting him to sleep again generally involves a search for the binky and a pat on the back. I was taking my time getting into his room at the other end of the house and he had stopped crying before I got out of bed, but some niggle in my head told me to go anyway. In my sleepy stupor I stumbled right over him sitting in the middle of the kitchen at 3am. Apparently he climbed out of his crib. My girls, who are 3 and 6, sometimes play in his crib to be silly and they still don't climb out of it.


Life is about to change. Again. There seems to be no "stasis" with small kids in the house, so what made me think I could get comfortable? Last week he began opening doors by standing on his tiptoes. Next week he will be fully walking. So much energy and determination in one little person.

I must admit that there was a point in my life that I had trouble connecting with little boys. It wasn't that I didn't like them, I just didn't understand them the way that I am learning to understand my own little guy. I thought little boys were wild because they were disobedient. I thought they had too much energy simply to be difficult. I didn't understand how their exploratory nature was a reflection of their curiosity and different interests. Exploration is a little boy's God-given learning style. It is a great wonder and privilege to have a little boy in our home, even if it means that the furniture is going to take an extra beating.

I thought some of these gender differences would be reasons I would not enjoy having a little boy in the house. Instead, these differences are reasons that make me love him even more. They are opening my eyes to the balance that God created when He made man and woman. And they are even giving me eyes to newly appreciate my husband, just an adult boy.

Life is busy, but I LOVE LITTLE BOYS!!  And little girls too, but that was already a given.

ketchup day

Usually Mondays are my catch up days, when I do the laundry and pick up and clean the floors and all of the stuff we were not doing over the weekend. We need Mondays to get caught up as much as we need weekends to let it all go.

After the long Thanksgiving weekend with family in town and all that extra fun we were having, my catch up day flowed over into Tuesday. After everyone else went off to school and work today, I told Sommer, "Today is catch up day! We are not going anywhere. We are going to get your room picked up and do laundry and put this house back together! Let's play catch up!"

She said, "I like ketchup on my eggs. And my hamburgers."

Huh?

Oh, right. Ketchup day.

I suppose there is room for both kinds of day. We will have eggs for breakfast, hamburgers for dinner, and a lot of cleaning in between. Ketchup on our food and catch up on our chores.

On that note... Happy ketchup day!

give-away winner

Drumroll please....

... and the winner of the very first (and possibly only) give-away this blog has hosted is Emily!!  Emily, I will be contacting you to find out where to send this little piece and see if I can get it there in the next week or so. A huge thank you to all who participated. There is a secret thrill I have at getting to send something tangible your way.

Through the experience of hosting a somewhat personal give-away, I have felt an overall sense of support from those who read along. Sometimes posting thoughts to a blog can feel very silent, like delivering jokes to an audience that you can't hear laughing. It is hard to know how my experiences, exhortations, lessons, or words are recieved. Yet I still feel drawn to continue posting and processing in this way. It feels like a type of obedience to share in a way that is authentic and might serve to encourage others to persevere in their own journeys. So thank you for giving back in a small way through your comments. It is a big source of encouragement to me to press on.

As we exit Thanksgiving weekend and enter the busiest time of year, may you pause long enough to offer similar gifts of encouragement to the many you will meet during this season of Advent. Sometimes a word, or a smile, or a comment is the best gift you can give. May Joy be yours in abundance!